


scammers

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fake Marriage, Fluff, Humor, Husbands, M/M, Marriage, Scamming, Strangers to Lovers, but not really because they get legally married, chenyeol but not in a big enough role for me to add them as a relationship, cool dudes, domestic kinda???, lots of kisses, wordvomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-11
Updated: 2018-07-11
Packaged: 2019-06-09 00:30:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15255423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Baekhyun and Kyungsoo scam their friends and family into buying them cool wedding gifts





	scammers

The walls in Chanyeol’s apartment are a shade of orange so hideous that it could make grown men cry (Chanyeol defends himself though, asserts that he isn’t allowed to paint the walls again since the last time he did ended so poorly (a wild story, that one).), the confirmation of the fact done by Baekhyun and his amazing judgment skills, which had never been questioned, but not exactly appreciated either. Not that he was salty about the last fact, not at all. It’s everyone’s own fault if they can’t realize that he’s right more often than not, owning impeccable taste, leaving people wishing they could be half as cool! 

 

Or maybe not, not that he believed it himself either, but that didn’t stop him from torturing his friends with the self-proclaimed fact. Nevertheless, he only comments about wanting to throw up because of the walls twice before sitting down on his best friend’s couch, throwing his legs over the armrest and getting appropriately comfy whilst waiting for the taller to come back with their drinks. He’d had a long day and he was looking forward to simply relaxing with his best friend.

 

Sure enough, Chanyeol comes in a few minutes later, drinks in hand and a frown edged on his pretty face. Baekhyun showed his displeasure caused upon seeing his friend look upset by whining. 

 

“You’ve got to stop doing that,” the younger mumbles, but there’s no actual bite behind his words.

“I beg to differ, you love me and this is my job,” Baekhyun argues, accepting the mug of chocolate goodness from Chanyeol’s hands. 

“What exactly is your job, then? Is it a position others can apply for?” Chanyeol questions, laughing out a short bark as he glanced at the pouty look on the older man’s face.

“Make you laugh, and super annoyed, but mainly make you laugh. I’d call this day a success already. Unfortunately only I can work this job, as only I have the qualifications, sorry ‘bout it, ” Baekhyun explains, taking a sip of his hot chocolate before sighing in content. Chanyeol makes some great hot chocolate.

 

Well, he can’t disagree with him there, after all he sort of shares that job with Baekhyun, only he isn’t trying to make himself laugh. 

 

“So, anything new I need to know about? Like a new special person in your life, a new thing you bought, whatever. I wanna hear and know everything about your life, so tell me, you old man!” Chanyeol all but screams, throwing his arm over his friend’s shoulders (which proved to be harder than he thought, considering the position the other was in). Baekhyun groaned in reply, mumbling on about how he almost spilt his chocolate. Chanyeol let him go fairly soon, apologizing softly for putting their chocolates at risk. And Baekhyun isn’t cruel enough to reject the big puppy’s apology.

 

“Not really. I found some cool flip flops at the store, but then I was like do I really want this? Do I need it? So I didn’t buy them and bought myself a bell pepper, because it’s healthy. Then I paid my bills and did taxes, you know like the cool big adult I definitely am- needless to say I’ve had a busy week adulting,” tells Baekhyun, nodding to himself as if that would prove that his story was true. 

 

“That’s great, I guess you need vegetables to survive,” Chanyeol nods, understanding the need for nutrition perfectly.

 

“Bell peppers are vegetables?” Baekhyun asks, outraged at the new piece of information. He hadn’t really thought about it that deeply, but he’d never thought of bell peppers as vegetables.

 

“Aren’t they?” questions Chanyeol, now looking confused. What is the truth, really?

 

“Fuck, I don’t know.”  (He googles it later and finds out that (botanically speaking) bell peppers are considered fruit. What a wild world.)

 

“Whatever it is, all I know is that I’m not a vegetable, but I am incredibly single and in need of hugs and cuddles. I’m done flying solo, I need me a person to love me and appreciate me. Or alternatively, I need a lot of money and wealth so that I can buy all the flip flops I desire.” Baekhyun looks at the (ugly) wall sadly, silently hoping the love of his life would run in through that door and proclaim his love for him, or something like that.

 

“I might have the answer to one of those problems, but one of them only,” Chanyeol says after a while of silence fulfilled with the sounds of immense thinking.

 

“Wha…” 

 

Just then, Jongdae bursts in through the door, a stranger trailing behind him, and as soon as Baekhyun’s catches sight of the stranger’s face he feels his face notably heat up like a frying pan. 

 

_ Oh. _

 

“Honey, I’m home!” screams Jongdae obnoxiously before strolling over to the couch where Chanyeol and Baekhyun are sitting to press a kiss to Chanyeol’s cheek and makes a show out of ruffling Baekhyun’s hair. 

 

“So boys, meet Kyungsoo. Chanyeol, he’s the friend I told you about earlier,” Jongdae smiles, dragging Kyungsoo to the living room with the others. 

 

“Kyungsoo, this is Chanyeol, my husband, and this is our best friend and beloved child, Baekhyun,” Jongdae introduces, making Baekhyun roll his eyes. 

 

“Hi,” Baekhyun manages to struggle the words out, with the wild, overwhelming stuttering of his heart. This man was beautiful, gorgeous in such a manly way, in a way that made him a tad bit breathless. He stops himself from saying more, however, fearing he might blurt out something embarrassing if he didn’t restrain himself. 

“Sup,” nods Chanyeol in Kyungsoo’s direction, making Kyungsoo chuckle and  _ why does that sound so heavenly? _

 

“Hello to the both of you, I hope we’ll get along well,” he smiles out and Baekhyun is quite sure his heart had stopped working, having been abused so much already, courtesy of this beautiful man. 

 

“I’m not actually their child,” Baekhyun blurts out randomly, “I mean, that’s just physiologically impossible.” 

 

All four of them stay silent for a solid ten seconds before the room fills with laughter, and now Baekhyun has forgotten all about his heart, mainly focusing on the shame he’s feeling. His friends are awful, and he states this purely because of the knowing look Chanyeol gives him (meaning that Chanyeol is calling him a lost cause, only using his eyes). 

 

But all is well as he sees Kyungsoo laughing along, his eyes scrunching up  _ so cutely,  _  his teeth making an appearance as he smiles a beautiful smile and maybe Baekhyun melts like candle wax right there. 

 

“You’re pretty cute.”

 

Okay, he’s definitely melting.

 

And maybe crying a little on the inside. But no one needs to know that, none of that matters, because Kyungsoo just said that he was cute. 

 

How lucky could a man be? 

  
  
  


**+++**

  
  


Kyungsoo feels that it’s his absolute duty to take care of the drunk Baekhyun while their other two equally drunk friends where off who knows where doing who knows what. 

 

It has officially been two days since he arrived, or more importantly two days he met Baekhyun, and two days since he’d last had a moment of perfect silence. 

 

Baekhyun has proven himself to be a clingy, whiny drunk. Kyungsoo knows this and appreciates it less and less when the man is clinging to his side and whining into his ear, complaining about the lack of attention he was getting, whilst all Kyungsoo was trying to do was get his drunk ass back home.

 

“Kyungsoo, look at me,” Baekhyun whines into his ear and Kyungsoo swears that he hears an undertone of  _ something _ in his voice. 

 

“No, go home, Baekhyun, you’re drunk,” Kyungsoo shoots back, circling his arm around the older man’s waist and digging out his phone to call for someone to pick them up.

 

“Come with me, Soo, you know that if you go back to Jongdae’s and Chanyeol’s you’ll only hear them being loud,” Baekhyun slurs sleepily, burying his face in Kyungsoo’s neck and mouthing at the exposed skin. 

 

Kyungsoo hates to admit it, but the other is  kind of right, he needs a place to crash at. 

 

“Shut up, Baekhyun,” he groaned, not caring what Baekhyun thought of the act, knowing the other probably won’t remember any of it in the morning anyway. 

 

“Kyungsoo, marry me,” Baekhyun says then, dead serious, nimble hands clinging onto Kyungsoo’s shirt as he does so. 

 

“We can get presents from our relatives if we hold a wedding party and they’ll give us stuff, this is a serious matter, stop laughing, Kyungsoo this is a great idea, we need to get married like, right now. Or tomorrow,” Baekhyun babbles, seeming more lively than he did before. 

 

“Shut up, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo repeats, only this time much fonder as he pushes Baekhyun inside the car, following right behind him. He lets Baekhyun rest his head on his lap, and even goes as far as threading his fingers in the drunk idiot’s hair, carding through the mass of hair gently. 

 

“I’m serious, Soo, let’s get married,” Baekhyun states once more before yawning and seemingly falling asleep (after a lot of whining). 

 

Kyungsoo laughs to himself. Married to Baekhyun. What a life that would be. 

  
  
  
  


   +++

  
  
  
  
  
  


It’s a shocker to him, it definitely is, when Baekhyun comes up to him in the morning, greets him with a kiss to his cheek and smiles sweetly.

 

“How are you not incredibly hangover?” Kyungsoo asks, sipping on his coffee and adjusting his glasses as he reads whatever it is on the newspaper there is.  He decides not to comment on the fact that Baekhyun kissed his cheek. 

 

“It’s because I’m a supernatural being. I’m too cute to suffer, so I don’t,” Baekhyun sang, plopping another kiss onto Kyungsoo’s awaiting cheek.

 

“Sure,” Kyungsoo snorts, but doesn’t comment further on anything much. He feels Baekhyun’s stare on him, sees him closing and opening his mouth from the corner of his eye. 

 

“What?” Kyungsoo finally asks after Baekhyun perfectly delivered his role as a fish.  

“Do I have something on my face? Why are you staring at me?” He knows there’s nothing on his face, but he still says it, for good measure. 

 

“No… I just. I meant it, you know,” Baekhyun states, “Marry me, Kyungsoo.”

 

“You’re telling me you want to pretend to marry me so we can scam our relatives for money and other stuff?” Kyungsoo asks, because he needs to check twice before agreeing or telling him off because you can never be too sure with this man. 

 

“Uh, yeah?” 

 

He thinks about, long and hard. What does he have to lose? He’ll check with all the legal work later, maybe, but other than that, what was there to question? He never did anything that he didn’t plan out carefully beforehand. And he wanted to do something wild for once.

 

“You know what, why the fuck not. Sure, I’ll marry you, fuck it.”

 

Baekhyun grinned at him. 

 

“Amazing.”

 

+++  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They planned the “wedding” (that would actually be a wedding, because otherwise they would get sued or something, Baekhyun wasn’t sure, and he didn’t really care, actually marrying Kyungsoo wasn’t his biggest problem) in a week, having sent the invitations the minute Kyungsoo agreed. 

 

They’d had a lot of fun making their wedding into the worst thing ever, or as some people (read: Baekhyun) would argue; totally awesome. They had no intention to make the wedding the most serious thing ever, so they decided to make it fun instead. 

“Kyungsoooooo, gimme a kiss,” Baekhyun suddenly speaks up from the bed he’s been lying in for the past three hours.

 

“No, I still have things to do and if I let you kiss me then you’ll try to wiggle yourself out of that bed and I can’t afford that,” Kyungsoo scolds, placing his hand over the phone he was holding, as if that would stop the person on the other side of the line from hearing what he was saying. Right, the bed thing. Baekhyun had been too hyper, so Kyungsoo took it upon himself to tuck him in bed so tightly he couldn’t get out.

 

“But we can’t have our first kiss on our wedding day, that’s too innocent! Kiss me breathless bebe, show me what you got!” Baekhyun cheers loudly, hands tucked tightly against his body. 

 

“Excuse me, I need to go- yeah, no, it’s my frien- I mean, uh yeah it’s my... fiancé, still feels crazy to say! I’ll call you back in a few minutes, I need to deal with this, thank you,” Kyungsoo says hurriedly, ending the call and putting his phone away.

 

“You have no patience, do you,” Kyungsoo groans, but smiles nonetheless. 

 

“I do, I just don’t feel like being patient today, plus I wanna kiss you, so that plays a part in my lack of patience,” Baekhyun spouts, wiggling around in his blanket cocoon. 

 

“Fine. But one kiss and then you’ll shut up,”Kyungsoo sighs, walking to the bed and leaning down. Baekhyun can see the freckles decorating his face and wow he’s so pretty.  

 

“You’ve got yourself a deal, pretty boy,” Baekhyun grins. Kyungsoo rolls his eyes but leans in anyway, pressing a quick kiss onto Baekhyun’s expectant lips.

 

“Mr. referee he cheated that was no kiss! I demand a refund! I have been scammed,” Baekhyun wails and jesus christ he’s dramatic, Kyungsoo thinks. 

  
  
  


“Calm down, you big baby, I’ll kiss you good night later, but for now, let me please make this call, okay, baby?” 

 

“... You called me baby, wow. Soo, are we in love? We’re on nickname basis? I wasn’t prepared for all of this commitment yet-” 

 

Kyungsoo kisses him quiet, a smirk on his lips as he pulls away.

 

“Fuck off.”

 

He gets that good night kiss, and perhaps a bit more.

  
  
  
+++  
  
  
  
  
  


“Bro, it’s time to get fucking married!” Baekhyun sing-songs into Kyungsoo’s ear as soon as they wake up. 

 

“Am I gonna regret this?” 

 

“Probably.”

 

“Great, let’s go.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


Kyungsoo looks incredibly hot, snack material, Baekhyun thinks.

 

He doesn’t hesitate to point it out either.

 

“Baekhyun please stop calling me a snack and fix your suit, you look messy,” Kyungsoo snorts, but doesn’t hide his gratification.

 

“Okay, okay,” Baekhyun said, but made it a mission to kiss Kyungsoo at least twelve times before actually doing anything. 

 

“Stop,” kiss, “kissing me,” kiss, “and do,” kiss, “your thing!” 

 

Baekhyun grins, kisses him once more and slips away into the bedroom to look at himself in the mirror. 

  
  


The ceremony happens in a blur, with the only memorable part of it being Baekhyun being visibly shocked upon finding out Kyungsoo’s last name (how did they not introduce themselves fully before their wedding?). 

 

The wedding itself isn’t anything grand. Their friends and family came, congratulated them, gave them gifts and got drunk. Jongdae and Chanyeol didn’t fail to point out how much they hated their plan but got good laughs off of it so it was okay. Baekhyun personally dubbed the night a success and Kyungsoo just rolled his eyes at the comment.

  
  


They get back to Baekhyun’s place at ungodly hours, and all Baekhyun wants to do is sleep. 

 

“Hey, husband how you doing?” Kyungsoo asks him as they sit down on the couch.

 

“Ooh, you called me your husband, you like me!” Baekhyun giggles accusingly, poking Kyungsoo on the side as he plays with a gift they got from Chanyeol and Jongdae (it’s a nintendo switch, just like Baekhyun not-so-subtly hinted at them to fet).

 

“Baekhyun, why the fuck would I marry you if I didn’t at least like you,” Kyungsoo says and that makes Baekhyun close the nintendo and look Kyungsoo in the eye.

  
  
  


“Ew, you like me, that’s so lame, Kyungsoo has a crush!” Baekhyun taunts him, but doesn’t hesitate before climbing into his  _ husband’s  _ lap.  

 

“I have no idea why I like you, you’re such a pain in my ass,” Kyungsoo notes before placing his hands on Baekhyun’s hips. 

 

“Hmm, what would I have to do for you to be in mine,” Baekhyun smirks and threads his fingers into Kyungsoo’s hair, “Because it just so happens I like you too, hubby.” Baekhyun snickers at the annoyed groan Kyungsoo lets out.

 

“How will I ever deal with you?” Kyungsoo sighs in an exaggerated manner. 

 

“Kiss me first and I’ll answer!” Baekhyun urges, enjoying the way Kyungsoo looks at him with tender playfulness. So Kyungsoo kisses him, as softly as he can, so that Baekhyun will shut up for once.

 

“Now will you tell me?”

 

“No. But onto another matter, Mongryong is coming back tomorrow, he was on a vacation with my sister- I had a few weeks of intense work so I had to give him to my sister, so that he wouldn’t be lonely while I was at work. But yeah I’m finally see my baby pup again!”

 

“You have a dog?!”

  
  
+++  
  
  


**Four years later**

 

Kyungsoo wakes up with Baekhyun sleeping on his stomach, and Mongryong sleeping on Baekhyun’s. 

 

He smiles, looking at his husband’s sleepy face and pouty look. He could look at him forever, but unfortunately they had to get up and be adults or whatever.

 

He plants tiny, wet kisses all over the other’s face, annoying him into waking up. 

 

Baekhyun does, fairly quickly and smiles at Kyungsoo, pecking his cheek.

 

Things turned out fairly nice after all.


End file.
